A New Leaf (Olesya)

[Mathew Amtrum]

Mathew was once again taken aback. He just didn't get it. She didn't even seem to know, well not really know. He didn't get the whole concept about trusting someone to be a good person. He could trust people, based on their blind actions. But a blind trust, no. People were creatures of habit, once a monster always a monster, once a weakling always a weakling. That was how things were, or at least how he thought things were.

All he could do was blink and stammer. He was trying to say something clever, but the only thing that came out was a dumbstruck "Whaa!?"

"Thats a lot of trust to put in to me you know. You saw what I did to that kid at school. You know what I can do. Just because I didn't do it a moment ago doesn't mean I won't."

His mind was still trying to wrap around what was going on. Why didn't she think he was a bad person? Didn't a bad person do bad things? Thus wouldn't someone that did bad things be a bad person?

"And if killing and maiming people doesn't make me a bad person, what does?" He asked, his voice not holding more of a challenge. Challenging her to defend her position.

[Olesya]

As she picked up the last piece, Les climbed to her feet and faced him straight on, cradling the pieces in her hands. She pursed her lips together thoughtfully for a moment, before speaking.

"I think what makes the difference is the motive behind them. In the school, you were protecting the student, I assume. Two years ago, you were acting in self defense. A few minutes ago, you broke my mug, but I am not angry because it was an accident. My sister breaks them all the time."

She picked up a piece of the jagged white porcelain and examined it, holding him up for it to see before adding it back to her hand.

"That senior approached you in the park that night with all intent to kill you. He had the opportunity, he had the motive, and he had the gun. In my eyes he is the one to blame for his own consequences."

She turned away, walking to the counter to throw the pieces away in the garbage beneath the register.

[Mathew Amtrum]

He laughed, not a joyous laugh, but one full of bitterness. Motive, that was his redeeming factor? That he tried to save his own life, that he was protecting the kid? Sure both were true, if he wasn't a pillar he wouldn't have stepped in and that kid would still be able to use his hands. And if he hadn't tried to protect himself that kid would still be alive. His parents wouldn't have had to bury him, his sister wouldn't have had to cry over his grave. Mathew had no one to mourn him. If he dropped dead right here, he was sure Olesya would feel bad, but only because she witnessed it. Bastille and Adrian might feel a twing of sadness. And maybe Linda and Kate, though he wasn't sure on that. He knew his parents wouldn't give a shit, as far as they were concerned they had no son. So he had to wonder, didn't that make his life less valuable? There were less people to mourn him, that was for sure.

"That won't bring him back. And I am sure that is small comfort to his family. I should have just let him kill me there. There is no one to mourn me." He said.

He wasn't saying it to sound depressed, but as a matter of fact. He heard somewhere that human life was measured by the people that cared about and loved you. It was supposed to make you feel important knowing that to all these people you mattered. But if you didn't have people like that, didn't it make your life worthless?

[Olesya]

Up until now Olesya had been a mixture or suspicious, curious, disgusted, sickened, scared, worried, empathetic, terrified, relieved, and thoughtful...not in any given order. But when those words came out of his mouth, her face contorted into a slow burning anger. Before she knew it, she walked swiftly up to him and slapped him across the face, hard. She then stared at her hand and at his cheek, setting her jaw, and though her voice was still low, it was tense.

"Dont. Say that. Don't you dare say that ever again."

Out of everything he had said so far, this was by far the worst. Olesya didn't say anything more, but her gaze was locked on his, burning.

[Mathew Amtrum]

Mathew felt a stinging pain in his face as she slapped him, a red hand mark starting to appear quickly, dully throbbing as blood moved through the area she had slapped. Slowly Mathew raised his hand to his cheek, mostly in disbelief that she had hit him. He winced slightly touching the quickly reddening skin. It wasn't bad, and in a fight he would just ignore it. But right now, with everything that had happened, it seemed to hurt a hundred times worse then it should have.

After the innitial shock he turned to face her, his eyes narrowing as he stood in front of her. His index finger slamming in to her chest with a hard poke.

"And why not? If I had not shown up to school today, been found in a ditch instead. Can you honestly say you would have shed a tear for me? Would you have attended my funeral? Would you have put flowers on my grave? Honestly, I doubt it. Maybe you would feel something, but maybe you are the type to feel something if you heard someone across the world was killed. But would you really mourn ME? Or would you just be sad someone died?"

He was probably being harsh, but he was upset, he was confused. He didn't know how to deal with her acting this way. His instincts told him to break her. Just destroy her, but her words rang in his head. His hand wouldn't raise to break her, instead he would cling desperately to the image he had of himself, desperate to believe that he was a bad person, that he had no choice but to bad. Because, if he had a choice, if he was not inherently bad, it would make everything he has done over the years that much worse. That was something he didn't know if he could bear.

"Other then me TALKING about making a council, tell me one reason that you would be sad that I died. One thing that would set me apart from everyone else that has died in this school, in 259, in the world. What is it that makes my life valuable?"

Once again he was challenging her. Challenging her to break his perception, only because he was sure she couldn't. In his mind there was little to nothing that really made him worth mourning, surely she couldn't find anything.

[Olesya]

Les coughed when he poked her hard in the chest, but she didn't back down. She listened to what he had to say, though she didn't like it. Who could possibly devalue himself so much to think that no one would mourn them? What kind of household would he have grown up in to not have the luxury of unconditional regard?

"I don't know."

Her shoulders shrugged lightly, because she frankly had no solid evidence to prove that his life was worth living. But who judged someone's worth? She certainly didn't have the authority to. So what argument did she have?

"I know my opinion doesn't count for much, probably not at all to you...but I would. I would mourn if something happened to you, and not just because someone died. People die all the time, and it's unfortunate, but it happens. But I would mourn for you."

It sounded kind of like some confession, but she was just being honest. If the old man next door died, Les would mourn as well because he had wonderful stories, and loved that the Van deBogart's had moved in next to him. So maybe it was because she knew him, or because he had somehow influenced her life in a minuscule way, something.

She was losing this argument when it came to cold hard facts, but it didn't change her opinion. The whole world could think he was a monster, and she would still be optimistic that he had the potential for more.

[Mathew Amtrum]

"Grah!" He let out a frustrated grunt. Her lack of logic was frustrating him.

He honestly couldn't tell if she was lying or not. He was feeling off, normally he was good at reading people, but he didn't even know where he was at emotionally right now, let alone someone else. Many emotions ran through him, joy at having someone say they would mourn him. Sorrow for the state he was in. Rage for having had this old wound brought up, and so much more. Each emotion coming and going quicker then he could identify them. He was lost, his whole life he had been labeled a monster, someone that destroys anything good with a touch. Yet despite that, there was one person that seemed to think he was worth something. That he could be better, and that would miss him if he was gone.

Is this love?

Mathew couldn't identify the warm feeling he felt inside of him. The simple feeling of being accepted and cared about. Having never truly been in love, going through the motions to use people. He was unable to identify it, or in this case a different positive emotion. His shoulders slumped, how could he argue with someone that didn't use facts? He didn't know what to do, he didn't know what options he had, if he had any even. He was like a small boat lost in a storm, no guiding light, nothing to take him home. He was grasping, he needed to find something. If she was going to rob him of his identity of Monster, he needed to find a new one. Something else to cling to.

"So.... What do I do then?" He asked softly, the normally loud and confident Mathew now meek, his sense of self shaken if not shattered.

[Olesya]

When he grunted in frustration, Les figured they would just keep going round and around again until they were both blue in the face. He had a skewed view of his self worth, and she had an eternally stubborn optimism streak. So what did that leave them, to agree to disagree?

She didn't expect to be surprised.

She saw the expression change on his face, and in his body language, but it didn't compute to what was going on inside his head. Was he building up another facade, another cocky grin? Was he going to push her around again, try to knock some sense into her? No. "So.... What do I do then?"

...Olesya blinked, unsure of what her ears heard. Was he, did he really? A slow smile crept across her face, reaching her hazel eyes.

"You start making decisions for the future, and stop lingering on the past. You can't change what happened, Mathew, and for your sake I really wish you could. Hell, I wish we all could."

Oh, God, she was disgustingly optimistic.

"You said you wanted to be remembered, right? To leave something behind? No better time than to start now."

[Mathew Amtrum]

Mathew blinked, the future? He was supposed to look to the future. Normally he would have scoffed that up and made fun of her for puking rainbows. Maybe it was the time of day, maybe it was his current mood, or maybe it was just everything that happened. But he actually heard what she was trying to say. He read between the lines, something seemed to tug at his heart. Like inspiration, or something similar.

"No better time...."

He repeated to himself softly. He didn't know what he was going to do. The council was one thing, but he was a lot of talk. He had never really built anything, his whole life was destroying things. He could destroy something without effort. He didn't know if he could build something, nurture it, protect it. The prospect was scary, but in a way exciting. He almost smiled, almost, instead he nodded again in a silent thanks. His hand slowly raised up, his heart racing as it did so. He was feeling unusually nervous. But his emotions were all muddled up. His hand continued it's slow rise, planning to land on her shoulder, unless she moved away.

"Hey.... the first time we met..." He said letting out a sigh as he looked up at the ceiling before forcing himself to meet her eyes, "I kissed you. It was uninvited and uncalled for. I'm sorry about that." He said feeling even more awkward, but he was trying to show he was taking a step forward. He was trying to say he was sorry.

[Olesya]

Les was relieved that she was able to fix the trouble she'd started, or rather, calm the can of worms she'd dug up. She knew that it was for the better, or could be, and it made her feel better that she was able to help a friend. A friend? Well not exactly, though after what happened today, she could see herself getting to know him at least. She believed what she had said, that he had potential to do some good things for PHS 42 and in general.

She blinked as he put his hand on her shoulder, speaking about the first time they had met. That had been a stark difference, though to be honest she had been more effected by the headbutt than the kiss, since the headbutt left her with a headache and a mild concussion. However, she grinned mildly, raising her opposite arm to clasp his shoulder in a similar fashion. A gesture of civility.

"Don't worry about it."

Her way of saying he was forgiven.

[Mathew Amtrum]

"Heh, I won't then." He said with a smirk, the first somewhat real smile since she mentioned the kid that he killed. His head was still a mess, and he was a walking ball of nerves right now. He could still blow at any moment, but for now he was diffused. He had to go lay down or something. He had to clear his head and sort through everything that she had jumbled up.

"Well.... I guess I am going to go home or something. I have a lot to think over." He said with a widening of his eyes when he said the word lot.

His head was killing him, and he felt like he had taken a beating. His heart was heavy, but there was still a lightness to it. She had helped, somehow. And while he was frustrated beyond reason, he felt a bit hopeful, something he hadn't felt in a long time.

He leaned in forward slightly, normally he didn't hesitate. But with the jumble of emotions in his head and heart. The best way he knew how to express himself was physically, and that's what he was going to try and do. But instead of forcing it on her, he moved in slowly, giving her time to register what was happening. His lips didn't connect with hers though. He stopped short, doing something that had been almost unheard of for Mathew, he was going to ask.

"This ok?" He asked, still feeling meek around her, but at the same time his heart was racing, a strange warmth and comfort in his chest. He felt oddly comfortable, and awkward at the same time. And it was throwing him off.

[Olesya]

"Heh, I won't then." She smiled, glad that hurdle was crossed. It really was nice for him to apologize like that, it was a good first step in a better direction than the one that he had been going in. "Well.... I guess I am going to go home or something. I have a lot to think over." She nodded, she understood considering what had just gone down this morning. Once she finished up her,e she would probably head home as well, faking sick or something, an art she and her siblings claim to have perfected.

"Yeah, I've gotta clean up..this...tea..?"

Her words trailed off as he leaned in toward her, stopping with their faces mere inches apart. "This ok?" He was asking? More than that, he wanted to kiss her? Right here. In her shop. After he nearly beat her to a pulp. The junior's cheeks reddened at the close proximity, hazel hues glancing down at his lips before raising to meet his gaze again.

"Uhh...y-yeah."

Her tone lifted at the end, in a sort of echo to his question without being a question.

[Mathew Amtrum]

Mathew swallowed hard when she gave him permission. He wasn't worried about the kiss itself, he knew he was a good kisser. He had been told as much countless times. Hell it wasn't even the first time he kissed the girl in front of him. But it was different, this wasn't a combat ploy, this one was for real. He brought up his right hand, cupping her cheek with it gently, stroking her face with his thumb as his lips met with hers. It was just a small gentle kiss. Affectionate even, there was no fire, there was no passion in it, it was just his way of trying to express himself.

It wouldn't last long, and he would slowly pull away when the kiss was over, leaving his hand on her cheek for a moment as he flashed her a weak grin.

"If you are planning on hitting me for this, I would recommend doing it now before I make it back to the school and get my coat." He said with a small chuckle, trying to make a small joke to lighten the tension.

[Olesya]

She wasn't expecting to cup her cheek like that, and the kiss itself was...much, much different than when he had her pinned to the floor of the Correctional Facility. That one had been cocky, demeaning, disorienting....this one was..different. Dizzying. She let her eyes close for a brief second, and just like that it was over and he pulled away. And she could breathe again.

"If you are planning on hitting me for this, I would recommend doing it now before I make it back to the school and get my coat."

"Eh...heh. Nah...don't worry about it."

A faint echo of her last reaction, but again, different. Maybe she wouldn't have to fake sick after all when she went home, she was feeling kind of faint from the events of the morning. She managed a weak smile, though.

"I guess I'll see you around. Let me know about that council, hm?"

[Mathew Amtrum]

Mathew's face brightened when she mentioned the council, he still really wanted to do that. And,the fact that she was still interested was a huge bonus in his book. She was a good person, he knew that, even if he didn't fully understand what it meant to be a good person. But he knew she would take it seriously, which is why he wanted her to run. He did want to build something, and she had just given him some hope, some hope that maybe he could do more then destroy, that maybe, just maybe he could make things better.

"I will see you at school then. Bye Olesya" He said with another small smile as he turned and left the store.

Once he was outside he let out a large breath, he had been holding his breath as he left and hadn't even realized it. He felt like he had just been beaten by the whole RoB and then zapped a few times with some of Barker's toys. He had to lay down, but first he had to head back to the school to get his coat. After grabbing his stuff, then he would go home and lay down.