A New Leaf (Olesya)

[Olesya]

The new Blossoms & Bistro was located only a few blocks from the school, though the cafe wouldn't be open at 8am. Usually her mother came in to work on the rooftop garden, but she usually got there at the same time Les and Gabri arrived at school, so she should already be up there. Otherwise it was a perfectly quiet place to talk without anyone listening in.

Sure, it was awkward walking there, Mathew following her like a beaten dog, like a gloomy shadow. It was unnerving to see him like this, and it bit at her because she had brought it up. But she couldn't take it back now, so it was better to face the demons than to let them continue to torture him (and subsequently her) like that. No one should feel as horrible as Mathew looked right now.

Turning into the alley, they reached the back door of the two story building. Pulling a key from her pocket, she unlocked the door and let them in, flicking on the lights as they walked in through the kitchen.

"First floor's the cafe, second floor's the florist, and the roof's the garden."

She informed him, though she wasn't quite sure if he registered it, or even if he cared. She was now talking to break the silence. Anything to break the silence. Pocketing her key, she waited for him to enter before closing the door behind him. She lead him through the kitchen and into the main cafe area where wooden circular tables and chairs dotted the floor. A long counter sat in front of the kitchen area and was arranged with glass cases of baked goods and teas and coffees of all sorts.

"D'you want anything? On the house."

She said, moving to make herself a cup of tea.

[Mathew Amtrum]

Mathew heard what she said and he registered it, but it was apathetically. He looked up briefly to glance around the area taking it in. It was habitual to do that for him, as natural as breathing. He had made a lot of enemies over the years, people that wanted him dead, and rightly so. It was only natural to identify the area he was in, look for exits, things he could use as weapons and the like. Though today his heart wasn't in it, and he gave it only the most casual glance. He didn't even question to see why she had a key to the place, something he normally would do. After all knowledge was power and he liked to know everything he could about someone, it made it easier to use them later.

"No thank you, I'm good." He said taking a seat, folding his hands on to the table.

To say he was like a beaten dog was an understatement. The flood gates had been opened, at least for him. He closed his eyes trying to block out the scene that kept flashing in his mind, but it didn't help. He could still see it, hear it, smell it even. Hell existed and right now the young man was living in it. His inner demons that had been so carefully locked away, only able to haunt him in his sleep have been unleashed.

He had tried to drown them out. Countless acts of violence, more blood on his hands then faces he could recall. But no matter how much blood he spilled, he could never cover up the blood of that one child. No matter how much pain he inflicted, he was unable to drown his own pain, only ignore it.

[Olesya]

Olesya put the teabag into the cup, tilting the hot water nozzle on the coffee maker to fill the cup with steaming water. She grabbed a muffin from the glass case before going to join him, sitting across from him at the table. She settled into her seat, steeping her tea in silence, trying to figure out how to approach the situation.

"What happened?"

She asked softly, though in the silent cafe it seemed louder. Her tone was not demanding or accusative, it was concerned, almost as if she was addressing a friend. They weren't friends, saying they were warm acquaintances was a stretch at best. They had fought, talked, but when it came down to it she found she knew very little about him, and him her. Maybe it was because she was too friendly in nature, but there was clearly something going on here, and she felt the need to learn more and possibly help.

She was briefly reminded of being in his position, David in her position, standing outside the former Blossoms & Bistro when he asked her about Stu. It hadn't been something she wanted to talk about, but in the end it made her feel better even if it didn't solve anything at the time. You can't change the past, but you can work on how it affects your future.

[Mathew Amtrum]

He sighed and leaned back. Not an angry sigh, or a relieved sigh. He really didn't want to talk about this, he wanted to pretend it didn't happen. If he could go back in time and stop her from being born, just so she wouldn't exist to mention that he killed someone, he would have. But he would tell her, he was honest if nothing else. Not only that, he wanted to be hated, to be punished. He wanted her to look at him and be sickened, see the hate and loathing in her eyes. See what he felt for himself reflected in the eyes of everyone around him. Growing up he had always been told and shown how worthless and pathetic he was. How much of a waste he was. No one but his parents saw it at first, though they made sure he knew. He had to make sure everyone else knew too.

"Two years ago, back in New York City. It was Tuesday, May 15th. Around 11:45 in the morning. I was enjoying my lunch when several kids approached me. At this time I was one of the highest ranking and most active members in the gang Reign of Blood. One of the kid's punched me while another one grabbed me. They called a crowd for a demonstration, trying to prove that we bleed like everyone else." He said his face scowling and growing darker. His tone was dull and dead, less emotion to it then a history teacher talking about the continental railroad.

"I pushed back on the kid holding me and kicked the kid in front of me. The crowd started to go wild and I was surrounded by enemies, all of them trying to rip me to shreds. A few people came to my aid. Fellow gang members, a pillar. It was a full scale riot with me in the middle of it. They were out for blood. I went hunting the one that started it, a snarky little senior. I had never seen him before that day. We fought, the people that came to my aid kept everyone back, a ring in which we fought."

He paused closing his eyes for a moment, making sure he could keep going on. It hurt just thinking about it the events leading up to the death. But it was all connected.

"I beat the kid busted his nose, I thought that would be enough. I wasn't as brutal back then... I turned around to leave, and I heard someone in the crowd scream. I turned back to see him holding a gun, a killer look in his eyes. The gun fired three times quickly, the bullets impacting against my chest right after the other, I dropped down to the ground grabbing my chest. Panic erupted and the kid used that time to escape."

Mathew reached down and touched his chest as if feeling for the wounds that should have been there, but of course he was fine. He always was. As much as he hated it, as much as he deserved it nothing killed him, nothing broke him. Even Blaze for all the damage done, only managed a small set back to Mathew's reign.

"It was a week before that I got the Earth Dragon Coat. It was a trophy mostly. Something to rub my victory in to Tiel's face. It... it saved me. I didn't know it at the time but it is bullet proof. It isn't Kevlar... I don't know what it is. But I didn't have so much as a scratch. It hurt, a lot... but nothing serious. Especially for being shot. After I picked myself up I was once again alone in a sea of people. Those that defended me melting back going to their own places. The one person that cared enough to see if I was ok slapped me and stormed off, angry that I had been in danger. All alone again I walked away. Story of my life really." He said with a bitter laugh.

"I was about a block away from school when I something hit the back of my head. It is darkness after that. I woke up and it was dusk, and I was in Central Park. The senior was there pointing a gun at me. He told me to get on to my knees. I complied. He then pressed the barrel of the gun against my forehead and told me to beg for my life."

Mathew's head lowered at this. His eyes shut close, tears threatening to well up if he didn't take a moment to compose himself. He was getting to the final moments. The part where the kid died, and once again Mathew lived.

"I was.... so afraid. Have you ever known you were going to die. Not feared for your life, but known that you were on your last seconds. Feeling them slipping away? I knew I was going to die. I can't even explain what happened. I wouldn't beg, nothing came out. I couldn't even spit in defiance. I was petrified with terror. And yet, while my mind was frozen my body acted. My hands shot upwards faster then I thought possible and gripped the gun. Pushing upwards on it to make it so it didn't point at me. I pushed to hard, I don't know if it was on purpose or not, but the barrel faced him, he pulled the trigger. IT all happened in an instant, he didn't even know he shot himself until he died, the look of shock and surprise on his face.... it haunts my dreams to this day. So yeah.... I killed someone. Go on tell me I am a monster, that I have no right trying to bring anything good in to this world. Do something!"

The last part was shouted, his voice becoming angry as he finished up, tears of anger and despair welling up in his eyes. He wanted her to condemn him, he needed it.

[Olesya]

She was silent during the entire story. This wasn't the sort of retelling where 'ooh's' and 'ahh's' were appropriate. However, her facial expression changed as he went further and further into his story. First she frowned, when he talked about getting beaten up, her eyes widening slightly when he talked about the riot. A look of shock when he said he was shot in the chest. That alone would have been enough to unnerve the ex-pillar. Guns were horrible things, reeking of death and malice. Nothing good came from guns.

But the story continued.

Her look turned to one of horror as he recounted the scene at the park. It felt so real, she could almost feel the cold circle pressing against her own forehead. Olesya didn't know what it felt like to knew you were going to die. Hearing his story gave her an impression, but she knew it was nothing like what it was like, but the impression alone made her feel cold and sick.

When he was done speaking, she simply stared at him, his words echoing, demanding her to condemn him for what he had done. To call him a monster. And she couldn't bring herself to do it. A few minutes of silence stretched between them, the junior lost for words.

"You're not a monster."

She found it difficult to translate her thoughts into words, but she finally forced them out, breaking the silence in order to do something. Her tone was strained, laced with the horrified sick feeling she felt, but it wasn't aimed at him.

[Mathew Amtrum]

You're not a monster.

Those words rang through his mind over and over. Echoing in the young man's head. Those words were not alone though. Countless insults from his Mother circled through his mind. Hearing her blame him for everything wrong in their life. The disappointment in Jimothy's voice every time Mathew screwed up. Screams, lots of screams. Mostly of pain, others of fear, some in anger. His eyes shut tightly trying to block them all out, a tear streaming down his cheek when he did so, having squeezed it out of his tear duct when he clenched his eyes shut.

He didn't want to hear her comfort him. He didn't want her understanding. He didn't know how to deal with that, how to handle it. He needed her to hate him, to be disgusted and fearful. Mathew slid his table back harshly, the sound of scraping heard loudly in the otherwise quite room. Mathew's hands reached under the table and flipped it over, sending it away from them as he shot from his chair to try and tackle Olesya while she sat in hers. Hopefully knocking them backwards with him on top of her.

"YES I AM!" He roared, his hands moving to pin her to the ground, if he had landed on her that is.

[Olesya]

Olesya frowned again, watching the tear trail down his cheek. She felt horrible for making him relive it. He didn't have to tell her, but he did. Before she could continue her train of thought though, he had flipped the table and tackled her to the floor. Stunned by the sudden action, she couldn't help but topple to the ground.

She coughed, the air forced from her lunged as she was pinned between him and the ground. 'YES I AM!' He roared in her face. Les flinched, though she turned to look at him. She was scared, because she wasn't sure where he was going with this, if she was only making him angrier or..or what.

"N-No..*cough* You're not, M-Mathew.."

She wheezed, determinedly, though gulping precious air back into her lungs after being thrown for a loop. Part of her mind was already weighing her options: Her cellphone was in her pocket, her mother was on the roof of the building, there were plenty of items here that could be used as weapons, but she didn't want to destroy the shop, her parent's shop. She needed to resolve this on her own as best she could.

[Mathew Amtrum]

He didn't want to hear it. She didn't know him, he was a monster! He was a worthless piece of shit, someone that could only cause pain and ruin lives. He was stupid to think he could do something good. It was a waste of his time, the only thing he could do was destroy. It was what he has been doing since the second he was born, since the moment he ruined his parent's lives.

"YES I AM!" He shouted again, more tears forming at his eyes.

His face was turning a deep red as he held her in place. His breathing was sharp and heavy, his face moved in close to hers, much like the time he kissed her. Though that was not his intention today. He would speak again, his voice quieter now but ragged. He fought to speak in between sharp breaths.

"You don't know me. You don't know what I could do to you right here. I could kill you, beat you within an inch of your life. Rape you. Your fate is in my hands, are you really willing to bet I am not a monster?" A few more angry, frustrated tears streamed down his face, which was now as red as a beat. His voice quivered with rage, and fear. He didn't know how to deal with her understanding. His only option was to make her fear and hate him. Make her see him as a monster.

[Olesya]

She was scared. Beneath his hands that held her down, she was shaking. He could very well do all the things he threatened and more. You can ask, why did she take him to someplace so private that she was basically inviting danger such as this? Stupid girl, you think, stupid idiot girl.

Was it because she believed in him? He was right, she knew nothing about him. Absolutely nothing, and yet, here she was, trying to save him.

Her cheeks grew red as he leaned close and threatened all those horrible things, it took her a moment to gather her courage before speaking, her voice strained from fear, the pressure of him looming over her, and the strand of courage pushing through.

"Do it. Hurt me, kill me, but it w-won't make it go away. You c-can't change what happened, Mathew. It w-wasn't your gun. He pointed it at you, he knew what that thing could do."

She sounded much braver than she felt, and she wasn't sounding that brave to begin with.

[Mathew Amtrum]

He wanted to so badly. He wanted to hurt her, to spill her blood. Make her scream. Something to prove that she was wrong. Mathew's right arm cocked backwards, his fist shaking. It wouldn't be hard to slam his fist right in to her nose, then while she was dealing with that finish her off. He could kill her without hassle if he really wanted to. He knew it, and she knew it.

His fist hovered over her when she started to speak. He didn't want to listen, but she was right. He knew that. Nothing he did changed what happened. No matter how much blood he got on his hands that boys blood never vanished. No matter how much pain he caused, his own pain was always there. He closed his eyes and slowly lowered his hand, unclenching his fist before picking himself off of her. She was right, there was no point in doing anything to her. It wouldn't change anything, it would prove her wrong true, but nothing else would change.

"Sorry...." He said as he stood up, looking away from her. He didn't want to look at her, much less meet her eyes.

He was so confused right now. He didn't really know what to do or where he stood. Normally he was confident, and he never doubted what he did. He had told Emily as much, never hesitate. Never look back, and yet he couldn't quite follow his own advice. He turned his back on the former pillar. He didn't want to look at her, he wanted to be alone right now, but he was afraid of being alone with his demons, lest they spawn in to a corporeal form and tear him apart, dragging him down to the hell he deserved.

[Olesya]

Les flinched when he pulled back his hand, closing her eyes as a small, barely audible whimper passed her lips. She waited for the pain to come, the crack of her nose caving into her face...but nothing. In fact, the whole weight of him pinning her down was lifted and she peeked, cracking her eyes open to find he was standing up.

"Sorry...."

The former pillar rolled into a sitting position, hugging her knees. She was breathing strangely, like someone who had just surfaced from drowning. She was shaking so badly, the adrenaline rushing through her system. She placed her forehead to her knees, willing herself to calm down so she could breathe and think normally again. His apology echoed through her head, as if he was saying it over and over again though the silence had returned between them.

A few minutes later, the shaking stopped, and she climbed slowly to her feet. She glanced at Mathew, though thought twice of disturbing him again, his back to her. She might not be so lucky if she continued to prod at the open wound. Instead, she moved over to pick up the table he had flipped, returning it to it's upright position, thinking of what to say, if she could say anything at all.

[Mathew Amtrum]

Mathew used the minutes he was given to compose himself. His eyes were closed and he focused his mind. Thinking of a black void, That void was then filled with a flame, burning brightly. He then started to push his emotions, his doubts, and everything in to the flame, feeling them melt away. It was a trick of relaxation he had learned back in New York. By the time she had picked up the table and placed it back where it belonged he was composed. More or less. A cocky grin back on his face, on the surface it would look like the same old Mathew, but if one was to look closely they would see the swelling and puffiness around his eyes. A tighter look around his eyes, the smile was forced.

"Well now you know, I am not a good person. I have done horrible things. Forget about the council, you were right before. There is no way I can win their trust. Everyone is to afraid of me, and rightly so. Still thanks for thinking about it."

He said in what he hoped sounded as cheerful. He was still shaken up, but he was trying to hide it, pretend it never happened. He couldn't stay here forever, and he would be damned if he would let the whole student body see him cry. It was bad enough she had seen him do it, something he would deny if she told anyone. And then he would beat down anyone that hinted that he might be lying about it.

[Olesya]

When he turned around, Olesya was surprised to see him smiling again, in close to the same cocky fashion as normal. But his eyes were different, showing traces of the emotion that had fallen from them. Her frown deepened when he told her to forget about the council, she wouldn't let him give up on something just because he thought he was a horrible person.

"But you see..you're wrong."

She said simply, crossing her arms over her stomach. Not in a snotty way, but a determined 'you're-not-getting-away-that-easy' sort of way.

"You apologized, and if you were as bad as you think you are, you wouldn't have. Nor would you have stopped yourself from hurting me. If you were truly a monster, you wouldn't care whether someone like me lived or died. Even if you can't see it, I can see it, and I don't need to know all your darkest secrets to know that."

She watched him for a minute, sighing as she moved now to pick up her own chair that had been toppled when she was tackled from it, pushing it in to the table. She was going to need a mop too, her tea now all over the floor, the mug was shattered.

[Mathew Amtrum]

"Maybe I just didn't want to have to deal with the clean up. My hair and stuff would be here. Along with finger prints. Maybe I just didn't want to deal with the cops." He said.

It was a lie of course, that wasn't what had stopped him. It was another desperate plee to make her hate him. Thinking that his lack of attack was fueled from the desire to protect himself, not because he didn't want to hurt her. He didn't get it, how could she look at him and NOT be disgusted knowing what he did. She saw him beat that kid, cripple him. His blood dripping down Mathew's body. Mathew was still that guy, and she seemed disgusted with him then, what changed in the time between then and now?

"Why aren't you attacking me. Or yelling at me? How can you stand to be in the same room as me!?"

He burst out suddenly. He didn't get it, he didn't understand why she was acting like she was. He didn't deserve understanding, he didn't deserve pity. The only things he deserved were hatred and scorn. The only things he knew.

[Olesya]

She quirked an eyebrow at his foll-der-all story about the cops. They both knew it was a lie, but she didn't feel like calling him out on it. She didn't understand why he would defend his monster-like image, though if she had a memory like that festering for two years, maybe she would be thinking differently too.I guess it was her job to have more reason in this situation, the fresher view.

"Why aren't you attacking me. Or yelling at me? How can you stand to be in the same room as me!?"

She Blinked, trying to think of the answer herself.

"Well, I don't want to ruin my mom's new store, for one. Yelling doesn't solve anything, and I am standing here right now because I trust that you won't hurt me. I may be completely out of my mind for thinking so, but that's what I believe. I don't think you're a bad person, Mathew. You may have done some bad things in the past, but you are not a bad person."

She bent to pick up the broken pieces of the mug, trying her best not to step in the tea and trail it all over the cafe.