XIN Story - The Chula Vista Collective

[Allen Daughtry]

Well, this has been an idea that I've been playing with in my head for a few days now as an extension to a long going discussion that Matthew and I have had in accordance with some help from some other folks. It spawned from the hypothetical discussion of what we'd do if we chose to make our own XIN board, and what sort of plot and setting would derive from it. Naturally one of the most important factors of such a site would require a pretty interesting background of its own, and for the past week, I've been pondering such a story arc. And recently, this process has culminated into what will turn out to be the following prologue and first chapter.

I'm not sure how far I'm going to take this; I think it'll require some feedback first. I might make this a one-time gig, or I might make this a continuous story following characters never seen in the XIN world, or I might even open it for use by the rest of you, who can post up stories of other characters existing in this very same world. Who knows, we'll just have to see.

But in any case, here's the prologue of the story following up: it follows an average day for the Principal of this story's focal point - The Chula Vista Collective of Higher Learning, a massive collaboration of different academic institutions that have been built on one campus in the Chula Vista suburbia of the greater San Diego megalopolis. The entire campus includes a heavily structured primary school (elementary and middle) that is run by one headmaster; a secondary level military academy; a public high school run by Principal Eduardo C. Navarro (the prologue's protagonist); and a major state-sponsored university. The campus has a large number of facilities that exceed expectations for college campuses due to its size, includes a large dorm area, and though built in a clear region of the Otay Ranch development area, is close enough to the Otay Ranch Town Center to make the area feel like a suburban college town. Further, Chula Vista is just a thirty minute drive away, and San Diego is - at most - an hour away, with the regional beaches and local mountains accessible for weekend trips.

While each school is run by its own administration, the campus as a whole answers to the local district's Council, run by a Director. Each school then houses its administration and security force, such as a Student Dean and head teachers. Due to the involvement of the ROTC and cadet programs that are enlisted at each of the campus' schools (the primary school is run much like a military academy for children; the academy is styled in JROTC form, the high school has a similar program, and the college is open to the ROTC) such cadets in training often act as an unofficial security force. Further, the school includes student volunteers that help protect and control their fellow students under the leader of a School Captain, much like at other CPS schools. Further, other positions of power include a universal Student Body President that runs the campus' Student Government Association, a Varsity Captain that controls each schools' sports events, and the Media Editor-In-Chief that acts as the head of the schools' news reporting. All of these students follow the orders of their respective school administrations, and naturally, the Director and the System itself.

But two new positions of power are beginning to rise up. While there are four separate school leaders - the Headmaster of the primary school, the Commander of the academy, the Principal of the high school and the President of the university - each is beginning to grow suspicious of the other, and wishes to find some way to obtain their own control of the campus that undermines each other and the Director. Recently, the Commander of the academy has quietly established a cadet from the college's ROTC program to act as the unofficial "Razor" of the campus' military interests, organizing the various military students into one collective security force and acting under the direct orders of the Commander. In subtle response, Principal Navarro has chosen to create his own assistant - a student that would act as his own voice in the events of the school that could break through the red tape. Where the Captain and the Pillarship are sworn to the System, and the "Razor" is sworn to military duty, Navarro's "Arbiter" would act as his own judgment of academia in school events. A "fifth" in the hand of four.

And so begins the web of lies, deceit, blood, and war.

I hope you enjoy it. ;D

[Emi Hitokata]

Omg. Hurry up and write that story, Allen.

You don't know how big of a fan I am of your writing >_>

[Allen Daughtry]

Prologue

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Though it felt as if his eyes were still shut, the old man was definitely awake.

It was the new semester's third week, and the routine of rising up at the crack of dawn had finally kicked back in gear. Eduardo found himself lying there for a moment, attempting to blink away the difference between his eyelids and the dark ceiling above him, though to no effect. Still, he had to do something about the damned alarm clock, so like every morning, he swat whatever hand was available at the blaring black contraption that sat idly on the bedside table at his right until it finally shut up. At this point in the morning, all he had to direct his hand was the blinking red LED light. Usually he had the ringing dead within about five whacks, though today he had it in two.

His wife gave little more than a stirring cough in response. Her gray-matted head laid quietly on the thick pillow that sat next to Eduardo's own, her eyes still slumbering, his puffed lips still pressed. He kissed her forehead faintly as he pulled himself out of bed, his thick, worn legs covered in peppered hair, a part of his muscular gut slipping from under his pajama shirt. As he tried to spit away the sleep, he scratched his belly without much purpose as he slowly walked into the bathroom, where he showered and shaved. It wasn't long - just about twenty minutes - and as he stepped out of his bedroom door, he was fully dressed in a beige suit, a white button-up shirt and a black tie. He was dressed appropriately, but there were little accessories on him, beyond the Timex watch that his children had given him for a birthday two years ago and a family heirloom his wife recovered just before his entry into the Marines. He wore the old medallion around his neck, hidden under the clothing.

It was around five-thirty, and Eduardo still had half an hour to spend before leaving his home to tackle the morning rush hour. While he usually had to cook a breakfast large enough for his family, he only had to toss on a batch of bacon and eggs across the pan today; the younger children had the day off because of some strange scheduling in their schooling district, and his wife took the day off to stay home with them. So both before and after his breakfast, Navarro spent the precious thirty minutes to himself reading the newspaper that he retrieved from outside the door and listening to his favorite morning talk show on the radio. But before long, he was out the front door with his leather briefcase in hand, his light trench coat tossed over his right arm in case of a cold front. Opening the door of his silver Ford sedan, the old man opens the car's glove compartment to retrieve his small reading glasses and slips them over his dark mahogany eyes.

Pulling out of the gated community in the distant outskirts of the Otay Beach residential area, Navarro spent the next twenty minutes in traffic, his calm demeanor watching the road and the other vehicles that surrounded him as if the scenery was much more than expected, but demanded of - if there was no road block traffic, then the day would not seem right or good. But fortunately, it was all still the same routine - the same congestion, the same light tone in his radio, the same tired quiet in the sky and the stars that were just now beginning to blink out as the Sun arrived on the eastern horizon above the Rocky Mountains. In his own distant mind, it wasn't long before the old man's sedan began to pull into the long drive of the campus grounds, the unified land of his rule, his kingdom.

He passed by the welcoming banner of the Chula Vista Collective for Higher Learning with the same content smile that he always had, the comfort in consistency, in reliability. He then began to appreciate what was rightfully his: the wide open grass lawn of several thousand acres, holding the grounds of four independent academic institutions and their necessary administrative buildings and the universal support facilities. Near the main eastern entrance sat the campus dormitories, a series of four-story apartment complexes clustered together that had enough quality to compete with any small-budget community, and with just a bike's distance from the local Otay Ranch Town Center, what many considered to be the campus' "college town." The entrance road was lined with decorative rocks and emergency stations, bus stops and taxi stops, and if any students had a vehicle of their own, a small walk toward the south lead to a significant parking lot.

He continued his slow drive down the lane to pull into his own place of administration - the Chula Vista High School A building. The school itself was two stories tall and large enough to house about fifteen hundred students and the necessary faculty, but the only building that was properly bound to its neighborhood was the administration building, which was much like a moon in comparison. Yet, it was amusing that the smaller structure very much ruled over such a large institution, and without much resistance either. Still, if Principal Navarro had the extra time in his morning, he may have chosen to drive farther down the road, where he'd have seen the drive-in entrance to the campus' massive gymnasium facility, and further down the road, the area's private primary school and military academy. Likewise, if he had taken a sharp right as he passed by the dorm area, Navarro would have begun his way to the various buildings for the university departments. But alas, he had no time to explore today. All was routine for him.

Stepping out of his sedan and retrieving his briefcase, Eduardo takes a moment to readjust his rounded glasses before making his way to the main doors of the administration building. He glances at his watch: six-thirty-three. Only three minutes late. He did not smile though; there was nothing to be proud of in failure of any sort to him. As the electronic sliding doors pull out of his way after reading his I.D. bluetooth code, Navarro passes by the security checkpoint with a wave and a smile to the droopy eyed guard, and takes a few minutes to chat with some of his subordinates in the clerks' office. Once he feels content with the mornings of his staff in the financial department, Navarro makes his way to the main office that he holds in the distant corner of northern wing, where his secretary greets him with a conditioned smile.

"Good morning Principal Navarro. I've prepared your morning brew of coffee for you; it's sitting on your desk along with today's events and reports." Ms. Jacobs spoke quietly, still evidently collecting together her energy. She was young, an aspiring woman hoping to add her time under the service of Principal Navarro to her resume as a booster to her record, and so far she had done well. Eduardo had no interest in hindering her goals - unless she earned his wrath. He smiled and thanked her, before asking her a question of priority.

"Alyx, is that cadet here this morning as I requested?"

His secretary glanced to the corner that led to the office and nodded, eyes widening a small bit in curiosity over the matter, "Yes Mr. Navarro, Cadet Princeton is waiting for you by the door. He arrived ten minutes ago, in fact. I haven't received any calls from the Commander yet, so the Razor must have agreed to your unofficial request."

Navarro narrowed his eyes in response to this, and nodded in satisfaction, "Good, good. But if the Commander does call Alyx, tell him that I merely wanted to interview the boy for my own interests. I have no intention of stealing his puppet."

Miss Jacobs seemed taken aback by such a comment, but nodded all the same. A moment later, the Principal was around the hallway and making his way towards his glass door, and standing there at ease - in fact, leaning against the wall - was Cadet Malcolm R. Princeton, the academy Commander's unofficial Staff Officer for the entire ROTC program at the Collective - or as his superior had quietly dubbed him, his "Razor."

Navarro had no interest in hiding his dislike in the matter, and had no qualms with showing that face to the college junior. The soldier immediately caught sight of the Principal's arrival and stood tall by the door, his body stiff, his arms at his side and his focus at attention. As Navarro passed him, the Cadet gave Eduardo a crisp salute, as all officers in training were expected to give toward superiors, commissioned or not. But Navarro gave a crisp salute back and stared back with poised power in return. Navarro himself had been an officer in the United States Navy for fourteen years, and was proud of the origins.

"At ease son. Please, come in." With a wave of his briefcase, Navarro quietly pushed open his door to enter his casual and orderly office.

It wasn't much, just an oak desk and a leather chair with any other Dell computer and a series of important cabinet files. There were a few pieces of memorabilia - family photos and annual gifts sitting at a corner of the desk, an insignia from his time in the Navy, the plaques signifying his various degrees and a few photos with important leaders of the System - but really nothing more. Not taking much time to spend by simply standing around, Eduardo sat at his chair with a comfortable reclining and lay his briefcase in front of him, glasses still sitting idly in front of his eyes as they glared back at the cadet.

"So tell me Princeton... I've heard the Commander has given you some sort of title now... 'Reserve Officer's Staff Cadet' I believe is what he calls it. Or was it Razor... I can't recall which."

Princeton seemed to stiffen at the prods, but kept himself firmly set, his blue eyes starting out through the glass window that permeated the wall behind Principal Navarro. He remained silent for several seconds before responding, much to the annoyance of Eduardo, "Sir, the Commander sees it fit that the military forces here on the campus are properly unified under one leader, and he has --"

Eduardo grit his teeth upon hearing this, and stamped his right hand against the wood of his desk in anger, "Really? Then why is it that we allowed separate ROTC programs at the other schools in the first place? The Commander only has access to control on his own damn building, and that reign of command has not changed. I will not abide by this underhanded scheme!"

Cadet Princeton now appeared restless, obviously bothered by the sign of anger. He seemed convicted however, determined to hold fast to the position given to him, and attempted to reply, "Sir, I cannot speak for the Commander in his motives, but I feel that this was done with the interest of the Collective as a whole, not just for the Commander."

Navarro's eyes seemed to widen at this, and his hands planted widely over the furniture before him as he stood up poised, staring down the officer in training, "Hardly. Your Commander may play his soldiers like fools, but he won't have me sold so easily young man. I want you to report to your Commander that you will have no such control here in my school, am I clear? If I find out that you're attempting to reign in orders on my ROTC students without my consent, I'll not only have you tossed off of these grounds, but I'll see to it with my best power that the President expels you from the program. Your 'Commander' is treading on ice, so he best remember that."

The Cadet's eyes wavered, and a bead of sweat began to leave his brow, "But sir, respectively --"

"Your respect can go to hell Marine. Get out of my office, and report my findings to whatever superior you deem fit. Dismissed!"

Using the code of conduct as an excuse to hide his own fear, the "Razor" briskly broke back into attention and stepped back, before coordinating a quick step out of the office in his uniform and a dash out of the building. It was obvious that from so early in the morning, his day would not go well.

Sitting back down with a slow restraint, Eduardo Costa Navarro planted his elbows on the desk before him and sighed heavily, his glassed eyes staring into the door straight ahead of him, though his mind thought elsewhere. He could see the impending crises that would unfold, and he knew that they were inevitable. It was only a matter of time before one school gained dominance over the other; the Commander had merely taken the first step by using his own influences through military power.

Breathing heavily once more, Navarro knew that he had to react. Even though the school's Captain was one of his own students, he had never trusted the junior to follow him. She was a strong-headed one, large on ideals and servitude to the System that she so proudly served. Though she treated Principal Navarro like a hero - much like the other students at his school, a satisfying difference from other establishments - she was not obligated to follow his orders, and he could hardly control her. She was too unstable. He needed something that he could control under his own whim.

The Commander had his "Razor," and Navarro would need something of his own.

Swinging his leather chair around so that he could stare at the campus beyond his window, the Principal contemplated the problem, and knew what the inevitable solution would have to be. A shadow Pillar, a student that followed only his command. There were so many loyal students passing through those halls he commanded, so many that would be honored to take such a secret title. But in the end, he had to decide on just one that could have the abilities to accomplish anything he needed - anything.

In the end, there was only one true question that was left for the old man to ponder: who?

After several minutes of contemplation, with the Sun warming the sky and the masses marching toward the school building, a smile crept over Navarro's wrinkled lips as a name came to mind. He turned back around and pressed his left index finger into the telephone speaker dial, opening a call to his secretary.

"Alyx," Eduardo began, his his scarred cheeks rising with a grin, "Tell some of those boys loyal to me that I need a trouble maker retrieved and brought to my office. Tell them his name is... August Daniels."

Releasing the button, Principal Navarro leaned back into his chair and felt an ease of calm return to him as his smile began to fade away. But the satisfaction never left him. If the Commander wanted to play hardball, then the Principal of Chula Vista High would not react with a sledgehammer; he'd hit back with a cloak and dagger.

He would strike with an Arbiter.
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[Jay]

Interesting. Xin with a military twist.

GUNS. WHERE ARE THEY

Some observations:

• Lots of details. This is good, but it tends to severely slow down the story. For example, the description about his outfit, going so far as to mention a birthday gift. Unless it defines his character, or plays an important role, it's best to leave such things out. You'd be surprised how much a bit here and there removed could compress a story.
  
• Dialogue. I'm not too sure of Navarro's style. For someone who drives a Ford to work, he talks like a rich man who wipes his ass with benjamins.

Very cool, keep it up.

[Emi Hitokata]

Finally had the time to comment on this. =D

Hmmmm. Well, there's not much I can say since your writing is a lot better than mine, but I think you should take Kai's advice. Description is good to use, but there are some parts where the story slows down. I think you can make this prologue more interesting.

Good luck :3

[Adrian]

There's also a continuity error: In the third paragraph, while describing his outfit, you mention a gift given to him upon his entry into the Marines. However, in all subsequent mentionings of military service, you explicitly say that Navarro was in the Navy.

Other than that, well, your dialogue is you, that's how you write almost all your characters. Personally, after re-reading, I don't see the 'rich guy' dialiect, but maybe I'm just missing it cuz I just woke up. Anyway, yeah, do what you will, so far so good, I can hit you up on MSN for a more distinct criticism.