ONE MORE TIME!!!!!!!!! (Fanfic)

[Kate]

• Kate McHallin-Rebel Rebel Leader *
  
• Allen Daughtry- Rebel *
  
• Ryuu Hikari- Rebel Kate's old mentor, dead. To be seen in flash backs.
  
• Adrian Hanlon -GovernmentLow ranked officer*
  
• Sara Quinn- Government Med- ranked officer to marry governor.
  
• Fei Long -Government Low ranked officer*
  
• Aureus/Levi -Both. That's right, both. XD Regular at Kate's, works at the government, becomes a rebel. *
  
• Stu - Rebel Second in Command of Rebels*
  
• TJ- Rebels
  
• SRP -Rebels
  
• Jeremiah Sykes - Not sure yet
  
• Patrick - Rebels
  
• Travis -Government
  
• Matrim - Not sure yet.
  
• Mathew- Government Government leader on the planet
  
• Emily- Rebels Newest Rebel*
  
• Layla- Government Scientist
  
• Harley- Girl who works at Kate's, might become Rebel.*
  

Updated. <3

[Kanika Stryker]

Ah, Hell... I'll let Kani get in on the fun... Gonna need someone with more than half a brain.

[Allen Daughtry]

*Plays Banjo*

The inbred thing is so amusing. And Allen infects his own sister (and Emily too xD) by just staring at her? Awesome.

As for suggestions, while I do like the direction it's going, I do want to point out some things I'd like to see come up soon enough related to the setting:

Fancy Smancy Tech - this is the future, there's gotta be futuristic technology or scientifiic advancements. Where are my sunglasses with the built in interface? Where's my laser gun, or my lightsaber? Where are the A.I., or the sexbots, or the android servants, or the genetic enhancements? Where's my hover cars and space craft? Where are my holograms and Inter-Planetary Internet?

This must be added in some way or another, for sure. It doesn't have to be very realistic - this fan fiction's just for fun after all, and has a space opera tone - but they have to be there.

Characters - So far the people around here who were inserted have remained pretty broad in design, which is a good start I think, but I'd like to see at least some of their personalities develop eventually, and when so, perhaps something similar to the 42 characters they represent. Like, as I was reading Allen's parts, I agreed that he'd probably act that way if you were trying to keep part of his original personality, but later on, you might want to consider his observant tendencies, his fake cynicism, and his life as a thief. Same could go for other characters.

Earth? - Like all Sci Fi stories, there is usually a pretty vague background reference that eventually breaks in, and as we've seen so far, this world is at least 1000 years beyond ours, with Earth involved somehow. But I would like to see more background information sink in eventually, such as if Earth's banged up (like with dyspotian stories) or if it's something else. That sort of thing would be nice to see.


Beyond that, it's been a pleasure to read.

[Kate]

• Kate McHallin-Rebel Rebel Leader *
  
• Allen Daughtry- Rebel *
  
• Ryuu Hikari- Rebel Kate's old mentor, dead. To be seen in flash backs.
  
• Adrian Hanlon -GovernmentLow ranked officer*
  
• Sara Quinn- Government Med- ranked officer to marry governor.
  
• Fei Long -Government Low ranked officer*
  
• Aureus/Levi -Both. That's right, both. XD Regular at Kate's, works at the government, becomes a rebel. *
  
• Stu - Rebel Second in Command of Rebels*
  
• TJ- Rebels
  
• SRP -Rebels
  
• Jeremiah Sykes - Not sure yet
  
• Patrick - Rebels
  
• Travis -Government
  
• Matrim - Not sure yet.
  
• Mathew- Government Government leader on the planet*
  
• Emily- Rebels Newest Rebel*
  
• Layla- Government Scientist
  
• Harley- Girl who works at Kate's, might become Rebel.*
  
• Kanika- Government
  

Thank you Allen. All those things were planned. <3 The only thing that might disappoint is the fact that Yarbos is a backwater planet, there isn't as many shiny future things on it. They are on the edge of the UPF's current reign, and the planet doesn't have much to offer other than being a stopping point for the military. Which was to be explained as well. <3

Thank you for the tips n' all, I'll work hard to figure this out!! This is not my normal writing style, so I have to work very hard to keep it the way it is. Which is probably why everyone is so vague. But I am trying!!! <3

And updated!! <3

[Kate]

Okay, so I made small character notes for myself, and I thought you guys would like to see them. Kind of the direction the characters are going.

Allen: Rebel, like a third in command. Cousins with Stu, Emily's older brother.
6 foot even, more built in the story, Tattoos, shades, some piercings. White hair
Blue eyes. Emotional about his family. Parents just died. Infected his sister.
To the rebels he's everyone's friend, to the enemy he's not a nice person in the least.

Ryuu: 5'7" Shorter than Kate. Kate's mentor, who infected her. Silver eyes, black hair with red streaks. Had a younger sister who died, Kate reminded him of her, which is why he saved her. Smart, independant, and yet didn't start a movement. Only gets angry about those he cares about.

Adrian: 6'0", Lower ranked officer, Buff like a jock. Blonde hair, blue eyes, smirks a lot. Acts like he's better than the rest of them, unless they're a higher rank. He likes to try to charm people when need be, or order them around. He knew Kate back in basic training when they were both fourteen, when they flirted and crushed on each other as kids.

Fei: 5'9", short for the military, leaner too. Brown hair, brown eyes. Low ranked officer, Adrian's partner. He's competitive and cocky before anything else, having to prove himself over and over to everyone. He tries hard to outdo Adrian, and every other male in the military, pretty much ignoring the females unless he flirts with them.

Sara: 5'2", Hazel eyes, Brown-red hair, curvy. She's prideful and stubborn, listening to orders but doing them her own way. Tries very hard to impress the man she is to marry, and HATES Kate with a passion as the woman who "runs things" on Yarbos. Med-ranked officer.

Aureus/Levi: 5'11", lean build. Military aide for the governor, one of several. He's got an addiction to a drug that makes you forget everything. But broke as hell because he gets his stuff at Kate's. He trades information for the drugs, and one day codes. Aureus turns into Levi after becoming a rebel. Levi has red hair and green eyes, where Aureus had brown and brown. Levi is a social person, and smart as hell. He's selfish, and would rather run everything himself, instead of Kate. Causes problems.

Stu: 2nd in command, likes Kate. Sleeps with Kate. 6'2", white hair dyed different colors, silver eyes. Insane like a nutter. He's an angry, hates the government sort of over protective guy. Happy only around the woman, or his cousin who is his best friend. Couldn't give two shits about anyone else. Was turned on 5th by Kate.

TJ: 6'1", good build. Rebel. Not sure what to do with him yet, may place him in the government building or kill him off in a mission. Dark brown hair, gold eyes. Kate turned him after finding him on the street as a bum. Not a socially skilled person, he's blunt and abrasive. He likes to take what he wants, and can be a jackass.

Seung-Ri Park aka Park: 5'9", lean build. Was rescued out of a military base a year before hand, before they tattooed him. He's a new guy, new face and is only 15 years old. Kate found him, and Stu turned him with Kate's permission. Black hair, golden eyes. Scar on his face, a year old from a training wound.The only people he's nice to is Kate and Stu. Everyone else gets the rude teenager sydrome.

Jeremiah: 6'6, built. Bald with blue eyes. Cold and calculating, while being brutal. Not sure where to put him just yet.

Patrick: 5'11" Lean build. Red hair, green eyes. Rebel. Unsure of where to place him just yet. He doesn't really converse with the other rebels, or work in the Pleasure House. Instead Patrick tends to be the guy watching the screens and taking needed notes. He's not social, and never forgets anything. Hates the man almost as much as Stu does.

Travis: Dark orange hair, blue eyes. 5'11", good build. Travis is a lone machine in the government. He's brought in to take care of problems when they can no longer be taken care of peacefully. He's survived the front lines more times than a person can count, and is only alive in a fight. Otherwise he doesn't talk, and just practices fighting. Walking, barely talking, machine.

Matrim- Unknown placement, maybe a weapons dealer, smuggler. Not a rebel, not in the military. Deals with both. Brown hair, blue eyes. 6'1", good build. Does things his way, and getting around the paperwork and governments are fun for him. Wasn't in the military, but somehow has military training.

Mathew: Governor of Yarbos, with a small stint in the military. Family with Earth blood. Brown hair, green eyes.He's cunning, cruel, cold, and yet charming beyond normal means. He means to take advantage of everything on Yarbos, and rise to the highest ranks of the UPF. Means to marry Sara. Brand new Governor.

Harley: 5'3", lean light build. Lithe. One of the working girls at Kate's Place, and not a rebel. Thinks of Kate's Pleasure house like the rest of Yarbos, the best place to be. Was happy to be hired. She's a good, normal girl who wishes to one day take over the Pleasure House and be the leading woman in Kate's place. Might become a rebel or might find out about the rebels and report them.

Emily

Layla

Gabe

Kanika

All to be added soon. :3

[Allen Daughtry]

Good point there Kate, that'd explain the modern feel. That's cool though; if Firefly can do it, so can you. ^^

And the character fan fic bios are looking good. Nice way to start out.

[THE Justin]

It be awesome >D Stu's a badass >D!

[Kate]

Thank you. <3 ^^ Starting on the 4th Chapter. It might be done tonight or tomorrow, depends on what's going on. :3

[Kate]

The fourth chapter didn't feel finished, so I added a paragraph. Just as a heads up!

[otomotsubasa]

omg Kate. Nice story. (It is Emi, btw)

I really like how you're taking it, and if you need characters you can always use Emi and Tsubasa. :3

[Kate]

• Kate McHallin-Rebel Rebel Leader *
  
• Allen Daughtry- Rebel *
  
• Ryuu Hikari- Rebel Kate's old mentor, dead. To be seen in flash backs.
  
• Adrian Hanlon -GovernmentLow ranked officer*
  
• Sara Quinn- Government Med- ranked officer to marry governor.
  
• Fei Long -Government Low ranked officer*
  
• Aureus/Levi -Both. That's right, both. XD Regular at Kate's, works at the government, becomes a rebel. *
  
• Stu - Rebel Second in Command of Rebels*
  
• TJ- Rebels
  
• SRP -Rebels
  
• Jeremiah Sykes - Not sure yet
  
• Patrick - Rebels
  
• Travis -Government
  
• Matrim - Not sure yet.
  
• Mathew- Government Government leader on the planet*
  
• Emily- Rebels Newest Rebel*
  
• Layla- Government Scientist
  
• Harley- Girl who works at Kate's, might become Rebel.*
  
• Kanika- Government
  
• Emi- Not sure yet.
  
• Tsubasa-Not sure yet.
  

I know I haven't updated this weekend. D: I had finals, too much to think on. So expect another chapter tomorrow. XDDD <3

Centered on the bad guys mostly. Bwhahaha?

I have figure out where I'm putting at everyone....

[Jeremiah Sykes]

its looking awesome so far! you should post another little parcel of what you have, give us a taste or two

[Jeremiah Sykes]

Also, go ahead and use David if you want

[Patrick O'Connor]

I NEEDZ MOAR, IT'S MY CRACK!!!

[Kate]

<__< Sorry!!! I'm working on it X__x I've been having a block. X__x <3

If anyone has any ideas, pm me, or msn me or something X__x I'd like to see what you guys think and what I can work in and use! XD