Conflicting Thoughts (open)

Vespyr's hand froze with her fingers nestled in Fleesh's fur as this boy sat down at her table, sipping coffee and acting like he belonged there. Vespyr's face didn't change and she just glared at him, remembering the last time she decided to talk to strangers in a cafe and where she had ended up-- right back where she began.

However this time, her mental wall wasn't as isuperable as it was for many years of her life. She was beginning to see that it wans pointless to just fear and hate and ignore everyone around her. Now, she just didn't give a fuck anymore. She resumed her petting of the kitten and scoffed. "Nothing." she mumbled indifferently. The thoughts in her mind that had been ruthlessly using her as a battleground seemed to skitter away in hopes of a better pastime.

Hey violet eyes noted his carved face and the green eyes and the fiery red hair, and she picked up the bitter scent of alcohol on him. It seemed to emanate from his body like an overwhelming aura. Vespyr had tried alcohol once, and hated it. She had thrown up, and she was puzzled as usual at everyone else's intrigue with the drink. To her it was disgusting, but they all seemed to be amazed by it. People are so stupid.

Vespyr narrowed her eyes at him a bit, but thought over what he had said and decided that he was right. The world would be a swell place if it weren't for humans and their greed, money, vulgarity, and overall stupidity. "Well my knowledge only goes as far as my experience does, and my experience only goes as far as seeing that people are just... Selfish... perverted... idiotic, and... and all that shit. But some people are pretty okay, I guess. Although... I've never met anyone that I haven't wanted to outright snap their bones because of the fucked up things they do. Sometimes I just sit right out there, on that bench," she motioned with her dirty clawed hands out the window at the bench outside the cafe and continued, "and I watch people go by, and they don't seem to notice me. But its okay. I like it that way. They smell bad. But anyways, I watch them walk by and I wonder what the hell they're doing there... There are disgusting guys reading porno mags and women that are practically ORANGE from fake-tanning, with their hard-as-rock D-cup fake boobs and their little sports ourfits... with little dogs... I ate one once. And I just wonder, WHY? and WHAT THE FUCK? I mean, I don't see how they don't realize that the things they do are pointless... There's no point to anything... It astounds me how they walk so carelessly through their surreal little worlds, oblivious to eachother, thinking they're so damn wonderful. Well they are not wonderful. They are not pretty little flowers. They are not unique. They are all the same bullshit that brings no positive contributions to this world. I just want to kill them all..."

She was now hunched over the table with her long, thin fingers matched up to eachother, glaring with narrowed violet eyes at something elsewhere in the cafe on while she was ranting, which happened to be a small child. All in pink. Although Vespyr wasn't really looking AT the girl, the child certainly seemed to think so and was now whimpering. "SHUT UP, FOOLS. And why the fuck do you wear those stupid little pink leggings anyways, they make you look like a child prostitute. Get a life, you fucking moron." Vespyr snarled.

"You're weak." Vespyr forgot about the girl and turned her head back at the man sitting across from her, her face blank. Something in his words had sounded unlike anything she had ever heard anyone speak before, not even Gabriel with his sophisticated smooth-talk. However, he obviously shared a similar opinion as everyone else did-- that she was an attention-starved little freak who said what she didn't mean. But If he didn't realize by now that she had serious mental problems, he must have them too. She could tell he thought she was pathetic, she could see it in the way he looked at her. But maybe he couldn't tell she was a sociopath and didn't quite understand her anger. After all, he did not know her past. But Vespyr herself was not stupid; she knew she had problems and that they showed in the wierdest ways. She knew that anyone who had ever talked to her thought she was a freak. But she also knew that this redhead was right; she was weak. She was powerless- there was no use in her puffing out her chest and trying to make herself appear more than she was, because she was nothing. But it didn't bother her. However, she disagreed with him when he said that she needed approval. That was the last thing she needed, or wanted.

Her face was blank, her tone disbelieving and quiet. "To be approved by this society would make me just like them. I don't want that. I want to be away from them. And when they get in my way, I do what I have to in order to make sure that they stay away. And if that means killing someone, then I do it because I don't give a fuck about the consequences. Every stupid thing I see them do makes me increasingly angry. I think I would be happier- fuck that, I think I would be happy at all in the least bit if they were all gone."

After that statement, Vespyr resumed her pensive stare and folded her hands in front of her, thinking deeply. This man seemed to see right through her-- right through the anger and the hate, through the insanity and the bloodjust and right down to the confused, abandoned little girl on the the train that still dwelled there in the darkness beyond even the reach of Vespyr's memory. And it made her feel very, very weak indeed.

Redhead's words didn't make any sense to Vespyr; here was a total stranger, ridiculing her like he knew how she truly felt. Criticizing her, yet uttering a few valid points that she took into consideration. For example, he was correct in saying that she was lonely. But his accusation was vague and what he didn't see was that she longed for one person only. Not a lover, (LOVE IS BULLSHIT) but someone who yes, would acknowledge her existance, but also would just provide someone for her to talk to. There would be none of that pointless emotional connection involved-- only understanding. Someone who saw the world as she did and was not like the rest of the people, and this was where redhead was wrong. All she needed was someone who was on her same level, and she would be fine.

Another point that she disagreed with was his view on consequence. "But it doesn't really matter to me if it all comes to an end. Sure, they'd lock me up, if they could ever catch me in the first place, that is. But even that isn't a big deal. Being locked in a little box would be a more pleasant time than spending a day out on the streets with these people. And I'd get free food. The worst they could do is kill me. Ya know, that death sentence crap. I think it would be a relief to die... But of course I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of doing it themselves. Fuck no, nobody has the right to kill me but me. Nobody makes me bleed me own blood. And I'd take down as many people as I could. I'd give them fucking hell for my own pleasure. And then it would all be over with, and I wouldn't have to deal with any of this bullshit any longer." she lingered on that last thought for a moment, contemplating extinguishing her meager existance. It wasn't an uncommon thought to find in her mind.

However, after a few of redhead's assumptions Vespyr realized that he was only trying to insult her, perhaps provoking a fight or maybe awaiting the satisfaction of causing an emotional breakdown, whatever would make his miserable life a little better for a moment or two.

Vespyr knew he wouldn't succeed; she could care less about what anyone thought of her, and especially didn't worry about redhead's opinions; he was indubitably wrong. His assumptions were most likely based on some deep-down longing to connect with somebody, or some bullshit like that. Why else would he sit down at some random girl's table only to criticize her? To get attention, of course, or some sick satisfaction in watching her lose her confidence. Vespyr didn't care. She knew his plan would fail, for she had no confidence to begin with. There was nothing that could possibly matter to her enough to bring her minutely close to a sense of pride or accomplishment. She was just another person in this surreal world; but one that could see the problems that most people seemed to be blind to. So there was no point in trying to bring her down when she was already the lowest of the low.

But something about the stranger and this spontaneous debate had her somewhat annoyed--but also amused at the same time. She was irked that he was wasting her time, first of all, for she noticed with a keen eye that it was daytime and she shouldn't be here at all. Her domain was the night. However, she had a strange fascination with his built-up ego-- he criticized her for being so attention-starved and perhaps forgot about his own emotions. Maybe he was lonely like he accused her of being. Like a little wimpy kid trying to act tough so all the other kiddies on the playground would think he was cool.

"What about you, then? You think I need the approval of people? Well then, what about you? If you can honestly say that somebody like me-- somebody who doesn't give a rat's ass about the value of other peoples' lives-- needs attention, then what does that say about you? Because you really seem to think you're superior to me. If someone like me needs attention then you must be starved for it, you poor, poor thing. Mummy and daddy didn't love you enough, eh? Or was it those kids that would never play with you at school because you were one of those lonely outcast-types? So you take out your built-up emotion and pin it on somebody else, maybe in an attempt to get over yourself. You act like you don't give a fuck about anything at all, but if you really did, you wouldn't be here right now, trying to upset me. And I can tell you with all honesty that you're wrong about me. I don't need anyone and I like it that way." Vespyr's words streamed out smoothly and she was almost grinning.

She knew he'd probably deny everything she said, whether she was correct or not, but Vespyr didn't really give a shit. It was pointless anyhow, and a waste of her time, but she might as well stay here until the sun went down again. It wouldn't be like her to walk out in broad daylight-- even looking at the dirty, tinted windows made her squint.

Vespyr laughed and nestled her head in her hand with her elbow propped up onto the table, peering at him curiously, almost playfully. She was now smiling, but not in an arrogant, triumphant manner; she was beginning to feel a little lighthearted. Talking to someone who wasn't completely braindead was... Well, it was refreshing.

"Well I know I'm pathetic. We all are. There's nothing to get over there. Its just matter-of-fact." she giggled, shaking her head, staring off into space again. "And sorry about the parents, if you need any sympathy. But if you don't then fuck it, maybe they are better off dead. I don't mean it when I say sorry anyways... At least you don't have to wonder about them. I can't even remember mine. But, seeing the way I am and where I am, I s'pose they just didn't want me. I'm glad they ditched me, though, because if I hadn't been..." she searched around the cafe for someone to use as an example, and saw a few typical high-school aged girls. Tight clothes. Ugg boots... Perfectly pretty faces, and of course, dexterous fingers with shiny polish for all that cell phone use. So typical.

"I probably would have ended up like them." she pointed, not really smiling anymore. Her face was blank and she just stared, lost in thought. But she came to quickly and turned back to redhead and looked straight into his eyes while she spoke this time.

"But I'm sorry, because you're not going to get the satisfaction of seeing me break down. I'm not like the rest of them-- not saying I'm any better or any worse, but everything that undermines their emotions only makes mine more detached, and stronger. I've been building a wall all these years, and I just can't bring myself to give a shit anymore. So go ahead and try, you'd just be wasting your time. You can insult me wall you want, but seeing your frugal attempt to bring me down is only going to bring me amusement. And get off your damn high-horse, because its not getting you anywhere. You are just the same garbage as I and the rest of these goddamned people."